When I clip into my skis and hit the trails out my door I know I’m not headed far.
The trails, which I’ve being skiing on for ten years, loop around and cross each other, and sometimes I don’t know what trail I’m on or which direction I’m heading but I know that I’m on a piece of land bordered by four roads.
It’d be tough to get lost so I just ski, because basically I’m going nowhere. I’m gonna eventually end up back at my door, unless I get stomped by a moose.
A couple weeks ago one of my neighbors offered me a map of the trail system. I thanked her for the thought but declined because I like accessing that little bit of unknown right out my door.
I want some structure but not too much.
I’m rewriting a book I started eight years ago. My rewrite is set on the same old trail system. And because I’m not exactly sure where I’m going, I’m paying even more attention to where I am, and I’m noticing the little details of my journey.
I’m not sure where it’s all leading but I’m enjoying the twists and turns, even if I am confused at times.
The confusion forces me to look more deeply at my story. It may slow me down and I might be on the trail system longer, but what I discover while I’m gliding in confusion-land could be just the thing my story needs, or it could be another trail to nowhere.
So, with varying amounts of success, I’m trying to embrace the confusion, to use it as a window into awareness.
How about you? Any thoughts on confusion and awareness?